Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven.

One year ago today I woke up early in the hospital not having slept very good due to your heart rate dropping throughout the night. Waiting for my ultrasound that I got every morning. You wasn’t as active as you usually were. The morning nurse came in saying I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink until the perinatal doctor got there to look at the print outs of your heart rate. A few hours later, the doctor came in saying that I would be getting a C-section due to everything else going on, he didn’t know when that day but just to be prepared. I waited for Dustin and our parents to get there. A little bit later they came in and said it’s go time. My nurse got me prepped, got Dustin his scrubs and they wheeled me back to the OR. As I lay there on the operating table, I wondered if you were going to make it, what were you going to look like. At 11:23am, we welcomed you to this earth. They took you straight to another room, to get you as stable as they could. They said you were doing very well, they let Dustin come take your picture so I could see your handsome little face. They took you straight to the NICU. I wasn’t allowed to go up to see you for hours.. your grandparents and daddy got to go up once they got your IVs in you. They were having some troubles. But finally they got it. Finally, around 9 pm, your Gigi wheeled me up to see you. I got to hold your little hand. My sweet baby boy. How much you looked like your daddy. I should have stayed longer. That’s one of biggest regrets. I should have worked through my pain and stayed with you longer. I thought your were gonna be okay.

Happy first birthday my sweet little boy. Hopefully your great grandparents are up there throwing you a amazing party!!

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